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Monday, June 6, 2011

With Polytheism You Get More Paid Holidays

*** continued from previous post ***

As much as I would have liked, I could delay the inevitable no longer. With a sigh and a smile, I broached the subject that I had been dreading. Please, if there is a God, let this go smoothly. Let her be cheered by the miracle of life, and decide to give me a pass on this one. I braced myself, took a deep breath and said, "So honey," I put an arm around her waist drawing her into a hug, "shall we go have breakfast?"

Have you ever had a cat nestled in your arms, relaxed and purring, when startled by some noise transform in the blink of an eye from an animal with no bones into a piece of steel? Steel with claws and fangs and a penchant for assigning blame? It's a joy, really. You should try it sometime.

Protip: Wear gloves, a heavy coat, and a goalie mask. A baseball bat is not out of the question.

"You mean the wonderful group breakfast with 30 people I don't know that by now consider us idiots at best and insane at worst?"

Damn. God has failed me again. I swear, as soon as I'm back in THE STATES I'm gonna go all Pagan. That'll learn ya God. Learn ya good. Or maybe polytheistic. I think you get more paid holidays with polytheism.

"Well, if you put a spin like that on the situation, anything can sound bad."
"Really," she said raising an eyebrow, "let's see. . . .how could you spin this? Mr. Moore, the limo is here to take you to your awards ceremony.”

Crap. She was in test mode. No worries, I'm fast on my feet when the need arises. I cleared my throat and in a crisp voice said, "Yeah, your awards ceremony. . . IN HELL!"
Ha. I've beat her at her own game. Two points!

She started to say something, then shook her head in defeat and said, "Go brush your teeth and shave. Let's get this over with. But I swear by all that is holy, if this goes the way I think it will, I’m going to stab you with a fork under the table."

"In the knee?"

“You wish," she said.

"Fair enough good lady. But don't jump to any conclusions. This may be an exciting new experience! Let's go with an open mind, shall we?"

Mom looked me in the eye for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds at most. With a dead-pan voice and a slight shrug she said, "Sure."

Ah, my little dove. Her exuberance overwhelmed me.

*** the journey continues ***


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